It was with all the time in the world Apollo sat,
With His weapon lying proudly beside Him;
A knife wet and shimmering still with freshly drawn blood.
All the time looking on to His plump one that
Played to distraction with a cheap and plastic toy bow –
Chubby Cupid thought himself a warrior;
And shot his darts with all the majesty of a god,
And He soon grasped a gold and leaden arrow.
‘Put those down, boy, they’re not for messing about, you ’ear?’
‘Look how I stretch my bow, and then fire, Daddy!’
Before the Slayer could say a thing he was the Slain;
And all at once a feeling shot through Him tainted with fear.
But Cupid had still the blunt and leaden dart at hand,
So went to find the fairest maiden in town,
Searching far and wide, at last from the Thames he espied
A cockney, the sun lighting Her every strand.
She said to Him, with Her divine twist of the east-tongue,
‘What the fuck d’ya do to me, ya little shit!’
Daphne, with all the grace that the gods had given Her,
Flew from the Boy toward the bright Thames that lit
Her countenance with the softest sense of homeliness;
And, looking deep, as if to search for advice,
A voice seemed to come to Her, with a comforting tone.
Daphne was sure before She’d even thought twice.
At first the voice was muffled and seemed to be saying:
‘Daphne, my dear, your beauty grows with the day.’
‘Eh?’ she said, looking confusedly this way and that.
‘Dad, that you?’ – before stuttering, with nothing else to say.
‘Yes, Love; it’s ya dad. Whassup then? Why the tears?’
‘I’m fuckin’ sick of this city and its ways!’
‘Ya better get an ‘usband, to provide for ya, then.
‘Do me proud, be a good wife. You’ll see, it pays.’
The fair Daughter of Peneus was so shocked to see
That even He fell pray to the city’s ways:
‘Tied down ‘n’ then knocked up ain’t never what way I’ll be!’
When said, She bumped into fretful Apollo.
‘Ere ya are!’ said the victim of Venus’s small boy,
‘Why don’t ya come ’ome wiv me, Girl, for a smoke?’
Daphne didn’t take long till deciding to destroy
All further conversation with the killer.
Daughter of Peneus took flight from proud Apollo,
Jostling through the people of the grimy town.
And, when thinking Herself alone, She began to slow,
Only to feel a hard grip around Her waist.
She screamed and struggled. ‘Get off of me, ya perv!’
‘Calm down, I ain’t hurtin’ ya, I just love ya!’
Daphne broke free with a strong thrust and the deftest swerve,
And made flight again towards close Peneus.
With all the might She could find She called upon Her Dad.
Turning Her steps to nearby St. James’ Park,
She became lost in the trees, feeling ever so glad
To see Her Pursuer then take a wrong turn.