Tom White

The frog returns as gun
-fire and the fart doesn’t
even smell. Where are you?

That depends on the type
of fart. Accept the frog
as a gift. Oophaga

Pumilio comes in
better Christmas paper —
metallic, with Mickey

Mouse driving a speed boat.
The decorations don't
last long since you don’t get

wrapping around absent
centres. You end up with
stuff you already had

and have to say Thank You!
whether or not the frog’s
a prince. Finally Spring

arrives: nature as mail
-order catalogue. I
shoot the frog with my price

-gun: £3.99.
Same price as Diamonds Are
Forever on eBay.